Monday, December 06, 2004

I like... peaches

This is the first of the "I like.." posts. I've had many conflicts of identity recently, and my housemate and friend suggested I should go introspecting, you know, "just discover" myself.

The process didn't begin today— it started way back, when a guy I was dating asked me what do I like to eat. I answered none, because it is true I don't particularly like food. Pretty strange, huh? How can a human being don't like food, when the rest of the world is facing growing obesity problem? First response I thought of, is that I'm just not enthusiastic about food– it doesn't mean I skip breakfast, lunch or dinner!

"There are many things—which are not food— in this world that give satisfaction", I told myself. And I've tried many things: parasailing, canoeing, kayaking, whitewater rafting, mountaineering, rock climbing; in the culture department, I played piano, percussion, collected stamps, painted watercolours. You name it, I'd have almost certainly have tried it. Except for one thing: I haven't fallen in love :D Yet all these things don't adequately represent who I am.

Well then, my friend asked, do you have a vision of yourself? Or are you trying to make a person out of a collage of many other people's accomplishment? (She was referring to my numerous crushes at accomplished men) I can see what I'm going to do six months from now. I can see what I'd possibly want to do ten years from now. I can't see what do I do in between!

Anyway, the point of this little rant is, I want to start consciously on this journey. I want to know who I am. I want to know what makes me tick. I want to know who wants to love me. I want to know who I love back. Where is God in all this picture? Is He a background Character? I somehow feel like He'd want me to go through this, and find out what He has meant me to be.

I'll start with something simple: I like peaches :)

Sunday, December 05, 2004

"Christmas Lady"

I found this while browsing the blogosphere. I wish I have this kind of eloquence when explaining to people why the Catholics honor Mary, the Mother of God.

"In truth, of course, Mary is the model for us all. As C.S. Lewis points out, before the majesty of God we are all feminine. Mortal men seem so small, because He alone is the true Father, to which any mortal man is but a pale image. He is the One who makes the decisions and who is the ultimate fount of all true authority. His is the role of actor and Sovereign Lord. We are His consort and Bride."

Read the full text:

Thursday, December 02, 2004

Ora Pro Nobis!

I met an amazing person. Sadly however, I think it is not good for my spiritual life.
Mater noster, ora pro nobis!

I found St. Augustine's memorable paragraph from his Confessions:

Late have I loved Thee, O Lord; and behold,

Thou wast within and I without, and there I sought Thee.
Thou was with me when I was not with Thee.
Thou didst call, and cry, and burst my deafness.
Thou didst gleam, and glow, and dispell my blindness.
Thou didst touch me, and I burned for Thy peace.
For Thyself Thou hast made us,

And restless our hearts until in Thee they find their ease.
And in Latin (o what beautiful language!):

Sero te amavi, pulchritudo tam antiqua et tam nova, sero te amavi!
et ecce intus eras et ego foris, et ibi te quaerebam, et in ista formosa, quae fecisti, deformis inruebam.
mecum eras, et tecum non eram.
ea me tenebant longe a te, quae si in te non essent, non essent.
vocasti et clamasti et rupisti surditatem meam: coruscasti, splenduisti et fugasti caecitatem meam: fragrasti, et duxi spiritum, et anhelo tibi, gustavi et esurio et sitio, tetigisti me, et exarsi in pacem tuam.