Mane nobiscum, Domine

In my semi-regular prayer meeting with people of the CHOICE weekend community, I heard the sharings of many Catholics about Easter: how they celebrate Easter and what it means to them. For the first time, I learnt about my fellow 'journey-ers' and the different 'moods' of faith they experience.

Tonight we meditated over today's Gospel, one of my favorite Post-Passion Gospel passages about the two disciples meeting Jesus on their way to Emmaus, as well as this coming Sunday's Gospel, about Jesus appearing to doubting Thomas in the upper room.

Abraham Bloemaert "The Emmaus Disciples"-1622

Luke 24 29 but they constrained him, saying, "Stay with us, for it is toward evening and the day is now far spent." So he went in to stay with them. 30 When he was at table with them, he took the bread and blessed, and broke it, and gave it to them. 31 And their eyes were opened and they recognized him; and he vanished out of their sight. 32 They said to each other, "Did not our hearts burn within us while he talked to us on the road, while he opened to us the scriptures?"

As much as the annual 40 days of Lent are supposed to prepare all the faithful, individually and communally, to die to our sins and rise anew in Christ, most of us are trapped our own 'cycles' of giddy joy and lowly blues in our relationship with God. And as such, some of us find that the Church's "peak" over Easter does not coincide with our own peaks.

I heard some sharing how touched they have been this Easter, how they reflected anew the meaning of resurrection in their own lives, and how some did not even attend Masses for any of the solemnities. It is with sadness that I heard how for some, Easter Sunday feels just like another mass, and with remembrance of how lukewarm I too had been in my celebration (or non-celebration) of Easter in the past.

As for 'sync-ing' my mood cycles with the solemn mood of the Church, I think right now it's a bit like the stock market graph—lots of daily & weekly fluctuations—but in general, thanks be to God, it's on the upward trend.

This Easter though, I felt something special; as if there's something joyful inside that's bursting out. A reader might give a wry comment that a Christian life should be lived with that kind of joy all the time ;) Honestly it has not been that way for me and I'm working on it!

Those who have read several of my posts in the last few months probably realized I'm in some kind of discernment period. This year's Lent was different precisely because I never had to, never felt the need to discern before, and this year I had to. I identified very much with the two disciples who met Jesus on the way to Emmaus, save for the bit where they saw the Lord breaking bread. They must have felt frustrated and desolate when Jesus died being crucified and then his body went missing by Sunday morning. I too felt frustrated in my discerning process because though I know and believe Jesus is the Messiah, my acknowledgement of this did not seem to set my life on the 'right track'.

Although my eyes of faith know that Jesus is with us always, there were times when, like the two disciples, my feeble senses could not quite believe or recognize Him in my daily situations. I remember reading reflections after reflections, writings of saints and bishops on Catholic websites, wanting so badly to perceive, to recognize, to feel, but could not, some kind of signs that would guide me to be immersed in God's presence, and ultimately, to know His will, and to will His will to be mine and to do it.

For many months I had struggled on my own strength, to discern and almost despaired in the hope of finding it. These last few weeks of Lent, I realized that one requires an attentive prayer life (that I do not yet have) to discern properly and lots of support from people I trust. My search for an answer had been reduced to something akin to finding Jesus' body: is it in the tomb, or is it somewhere outside? I missed the big picture: He is risen! My question now has become, what is God's will for me right here and now? Like the two disciples, I felt my heart burning when I recognized the desire to find the Truth; but as yet unable to make it out. Like the two disciples, I could only feel certainty when in the breaking of the bread, Jesus gave Himself for all of us, in communion, to eat.

This Easter, I resolve to say Yes to whatever He wills, although I don't know what it is as of now, trusting that in His time and His mercy, it will be done. Pray for me that I may gradually recognize God's promptings in every little situation and faithfully choose to carry them out.

John 20
²⁷ Then he said to Thomas, "Put your finger here, and see my hands; and put out your hand, and place it in my side; do not be faithless, but believing."
²⁸ Thomas answered him, "My Lord and my God!"
²⁹ Jesus said to him, "Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe."

Happy Birthday to il Papa!

April 16th is our Pope Benedict XVI's birthday, I thank God for the gift of our shepherd and here's wishing him God's blessings as he continues to faithfully lead us his flock.

(Mildly Offensive) Linux Joke

When trying to set this picture file as my desktop background in Linux,

[antonia@evenstar image]$ ls "Jesus cross crucifixion.jpg"
-rw-rw-r-- 1 antonia antonia 281204 Apr 16 13:17 Jesus cross crucifixion.jpg
[antonia@evenstar image]$ bsetbg "Jesus cross crucifixion.jpg"
Jesus does not exist(<-- WHAT?!)

(And they say IT folks are agnostics...)

Jokes aside folks, I affirm Jesus does indeed exist and He lived and died and is risen for you and me!

HAPPY EASTER!

Exsultet: Gloria in excelsis Deo!

Sion sing, break into song! For within you is the Lord, with his saving power!

Rejoice, heavenly powers! Sing choirs of angels!
Exult, all creation around God's throne!
Jesus Christ, our King is risen!
Sound the trumpet of salvation!

Rejoice, O earth, in shining splendor,
radiant in the brightness of your King!
Christ has conquered! Glory fills you!
Darkness vanishes for ever!

Rejoice, O Mother Church! Exult in glory!
The risen Savior shines upon you!
Let this place resound with joy,
echoing the mighty song of all God's people!

It is truly right that with full hearts and minds and voices
we should praise the unseen God, the all-powerful Father,
and his only Son, our Lord Jesus Christ.

For Christ has ransomed us with his blood,
and paid for us the price of Adam's sin to our eternal Father!

This is our passover feast,
When Christ, the true Lamb, is slain,
whose blood consecrates the homes of all believers.

This is the night,
when first you saved our fathers:
you freed the people of Israel from their slav'ry,
and led them dry-shod through the sea.

This is night,
when Christians ev'rywhere,
washed clean of sin and freed from all defilement,
are restored to grace and grow together in holiness.

This is the night,
when Jesus broke the chains of death
and rose triumphant from the grave.

Father, how wonderful your care for us!
How boundless your merciful love!
To ransom a slave you gave away your Son.

O happy fault, O necessary sin of Adam,
which gained for us so great a Redeemer!

The power of this holy night dispels all evil,
washes guilt away, restores lost innocence,
brings mourners joy.

Night truly blessed,
when heaven is wedded to earth
and we are reconciled to God!

Therefore, heavenly Father, in the joy of this night,
receive our evening sacrifice of praise,
your Church's solemn offering.

Accept this Easter candle.
May it always dispel the darkness of this night!

May the Morning Star which never sets
find this flame still burning:
Christ, that Morning Star,
who came back from the dead,
and shed his peaceful light on all mankind,
your Son, who lives and reigns for ever and ever. Amen.

Gloria in excelsis Deo
Et in terra pax hominibus bone voluntatis

Easter Triduum

As we enter the Easter Triduum, here's wishing everyone a blessed Easter celebration.

PS: Sorry for the late posting, just came back from a short family vacation ;)

Written in our hearts

In the past few days, I have encountered the phrases "unwritten law" and "law in our hearts" multiple times in my readings. It is a reminder of my unresolved discernment question.

Jeremiah 31: 33 - 34 (Last Saturday's reading)
^[33]...I will put my law within them, and I will write it upon their hearts; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.
^[34]And no longer shall each man teach his neighbor and each his brother, saying, "Know the LORD," for they shall all know me, from the least of them to the greatest, says the LORD..."

Again, while reading William E May's Catholic Bioethics and the Gift of Human Life, Pope John Paul II wrote in Evangelium Vitae, about the doctrine that killing innocent life is always gravely immoral:

"[this is] based upon that unwritten law which man, in the light of reason, finds in his own heart"

And last week, Fr Frans quoted in his homily, that the human heart has an infinite capacity for self-deception. Thus, when we are true to ourselves we will find, upon deep searching, God's will 'written' within our hearts.

Contemplating God's will always brought to my mind the example of Our Lady, who seemingly without hesitation, gave her Fiat to the angel Gabriel, and to our God. I stood facing a statue of our Lady in front of the church after last Sunday's sunset mass; and it just dawned upon me what courage it took her to say Yes to something she does not understand. As I thought about the path that led me here—my discovery of the potential of IT and the Internet while in Singapore, meeting so many people on the 'Net and (sometimes, face-to-face, like in the World Youth Day) because of the 'Net—it is a path, no? Not just a series of quirky choices.

Perhaps in the search for God's will we are not asked to understand what it is. I'm beginning to think that our feeble minds and senses are not meant to fathom God's ways, but to recognize it when we find it before us and to follow it faithfully. This restlessness I feel may never go away, not when I keep hearing our belated Pope John Paul the Great say: (my favorite quote!)

"Do not be afraid! Do not be satisfied with mediocrity. Put out into the deep and let down your nets for a catch."

With a prompting like that, who could remain uninspired? Yet dear Pope John Paul II allowed himself—lost himself, surrendered himself—to be guided by the Spirit to fulfil God's plan, not his own.

After this coming Sunday, Holy Week is upon us; Lent is ending, and time for Jesus will come. May we say our Fiat to Him this Easter :)

In Memoriam: Pope John Paul II the Great

One year ago today, April 2nd, our beloved late Pope JPII the Great, passed away. As I had written before, it was him who brought me 'back'; it was his writings which got me interested in the Church and its teachings after many years of wandering and spiritual aridity. May he always intercede for us the Church Militant.

Today we pray for the repose of his soul and for the cause of his canonization. Santo Subito!

Lux aeterna luceat eis, Domine. Requiem aeternam dona eis, Domine, et lux perpetua luceat eis.

In Memoriam: Terri Schindler Schiavo

This year's March 31st marks the 1st anniversary of Terri Schiavo's death. She died of dehydration after being denied food and water for 13 days. Thirteen days! The cruelty surrounding her death circumstances was astonishing to the world: people have been known to fight for the right to humane death for prisoners on death row, and even animals.

Whether or not Terri was in a 'PVS' state, what she and her family went through was a cold wake-up call to respond to the growing voice that supports euthanasia, even involuntary euthanasia.

I don't know about my own country, but Singapore has Advanced Medical Directive that allows one to state that s/he should not be given "extraordinary life-sustaining treatment" in the event that one is incapable of making that decision (terminally ill or unconscious). I remember, many years ago—around '95-'96, our priest at the Cathedral spent months and months of homily to speak of this initiative.

I remember a story of a woman who was temporarily paralyzed and could not tell the nurses that she wanted to be fed (against a previously written directive) and not starved or neglected until death. When I look at this directive now, I wonder whether there are any directives that would protect my wish to be cared for (food & water & the rest) in the event that I become incapacitated?

I am sorry to hijack this thread about Terri; but I think everyone, even if incapacitated, has a role to play in their immediate family and in their circle of friends. The idea that fulfilment can be found only through fulfilment of self is distinctly self-centered. For what does our life mean if it is not to lived for others?

Cheers to Terri, who has lived her life to help her family fulfil theirs. May eternal light shine upon her, as we pray and act for the end of euthanasia.

Link: Terri's Fight

Belated Annunciation reflection

How could I miss writing about the beautiful homily I heard for this year's Feast of Annunciation? (This only proved total absorption into my self-centredness!) As written in my previous post, I was in the midst of a Choice weekend this Annunciation.

Fr Frans gave the homily that morning. He didn't dwell much on the events of Annunciation itself (though it'd be good because there were non-Christians amongst us that day), but somehow carried across the message of how beautiful and profound is the mystery of Incarnation.

Like Jesus, who is a Word, the Word, made flesh, we too were once nothing but an idea in God's mind. But incarnate ('carne'—flesh) we became: something that Was Not became something that Was, something that could do so much for each other and to reflect the glory of its Creator.

Too often, my own postmodernist notion of existence understates the awe-inspiring depth of Creation. Too often, my own preoccupation with me, me, and me, has taken away the Mystery that before our thoughts were, we were; before our dreams were, we were, and before Jesus became incarnate, Mary said Yes to Him. And that being alive alone, rouses a sense of deep awe of a God who puts that life in us.

(Yeah I know I'm rambling; but who could help it, such is the mystery of Annunciation?)

Bioethics Forum 2006: Ethics at the beginning and at the end of life

The next Bioethics Forum on April 5th is going to discuss ethics of life from conception to death. Venue's at NUS Theatrette 2 (inside the Central Library). For more info, check out http://www.bioethicsforum.info.