Re-reading his post, i've identified what it is I was so hurt about.

Father, he wrote that he's been neglecting You, that being with his friends reminded him of the relationship he once had with You. that hurts so much. You know very well i don't wish to judge anyone's spirituality: but if he's been worshipping You all these time with me, how can I take his relationship with You away? Was it not real? Does my relationship with You not bring him closer to You too?

How could i be so wrong... Fallacy. All fallacy. How can i remain his friend? How can i?

I've decided that my earlier post about him is completely unfair. I have no right to castigate him. None at all. What i've described probably formed the 'holistic' reason why i cannot be with him anymore. BUT i have no right to criticize how he handles the hurt. May God be his constant companion.

I too recognised the loss of a friend, and recognised what I'm doing now to make up for the severance. I'm picking up Spanish, stepping up on my work, and have been more contemplative than before. An interesting, compelling reading has been Pope John Paul II's biography. I've became totally, completely inspired. His entire life is marked with devotion and consecration of his talents to God's service. Living in tragedy and persecution, he showed just how, in human weaknesses, God can shine through.

Storm in my heart

Today i read his blog. And saw how eloquently he expresses his plight. and how he turns to God.

To be fair, he does not say i was the cause of his plight. to be fair, he does not vilify me. so why am i so sad as i write this? "The wise keeps silent", they said. And so have i tried to be. The storm in my heart remains for God and I to work out.

What i despise is the hypocrisy of it all. Telling everybody that he's ok, that he's turning to God, that he's accepting the separation with both hands. Oh have i tried, have i tried, to be his friend. But he's pushing himself away from me. Perhaps it's for the best. Perhaps i never had a friend in him :|

Maybe i should be sorry, maybe i should try to explain to him. But not being the eloquent truth-twister (well.. he's quite good at it!), i chose silence. the more he comes, the further he pushed himself. I sound confused, because i know not what to do about this person i see i can help, and yet one who refuses to see he has not been his true self. And now, i see him like a tiny ship caught in a storm of my own making.

Perhaps someday Father, you will tell him what i mean.

it's simply amazing to know how much have happened in the last three, four weeks or so :)

first, i had a nasty fall, gouged a piece of flesh in my leg and got myself stitched. not healed yet. at least i'm not hobbling anymore..

and that happened right on the eve of my moving day: and the place was simply awful. simply awful. now that i've found a new place i have yet to find someone to replace me :|

and now i'm all alone once more :D

happy? i don't know. relieved? perhaps. sad? definitely. i thought i'm liberated - from all the things i've simply tolerated, but it feels more than ever like i've lost a friend. in any case, it's time for me to make new friends. he's been taking up much of my time; he's been pretty much my "crutch". it's time to get up and learn how to walk all over again.